Thursday, February 28, 2008

so it's goodbye again

ok so you all know that hope is going to africa in a few days with my dad to do a medical clinic and such since she is to be a doctor...what you don't know is that i had a total breakdown today and had to leave school cause i freaked out about them leaving...especially my dad cause it's goodbye again to quote John Denver. i act all cool about it and such but i really do mind it when he leaves cause there is that stupid and treacherous voice in the back of my head saying he won't come back and that scares me a lot. and i'm also majorly tired and don't feel good on top of all of this so it's making me think that i'm making myself sick again from worrying and i missed being able to talk to mr. mac today cause i came home and tomorrow i'm missing the whole day cause mom wants us girls to go have a day before hope leaves and i sorta don't want to do it cause i would rather be able to talk to mr. mac before they leave so that i don't just burst into his room monday morning crying and saying.."there gone and never coming back!" cause that's how it would happen and there is no doubt about it. i cry every time i talk to anyone about anything serious and it bugs me because i never used to cry and that is a really long sentence...i feel almost out of breath.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

constelations...

the world would be far better if it went like all Jane Austen novels. Every girl finds heartbreak in the wrong man, a Mr. Wickam, or perhaps a Mr. Crawford, God forbid even a Mr. Willoughby, but then continues on to find some man in the Clergy like Edward Ferrars, or Edmund Bertram, or a rich Mr. Darcy, or Mr. Knightly. and they go off into the sunset without a care in the world. but alas, it cannot work that way. we only get half the tale if any in this world. but that is probably all our own faults.

you may wonder at my talking so much about Jane Austen but it is all because i have been watching each of the movies, well most of them, in the form of BBC or some other such way. i have not seen Emma, Persuasion, or all of Northanger Abbey(but i do not wish to see the last one). it makes me laugh to see how much the author loves clergy men, just think of it...

Pride and Prejudice-Wickam says he wants to be one and would were it not for Darcy and Lizzy starts to fall for him.

Mansfield Park-Fanny falls in love with Edmund and he is bound to be a clergyman since he is not the eldest son

Sense and Sensibility-Edward Ferrars falls in love with Elenor and they end up getting hitched even though he is to become a clergyman.

Northanger Abbey-Henry gets Catherine in the end to love him and all seeing as he is a clergyman

Emma-George is not a clergyman but he is a landowner so he is not a loathsome business man or anything like that, and he gets Emma

Persuasion-a naval officer which means that he can marry people which is practically a clergyman...well maybe not but close enough

so 4 out of 6 men in 6 books are clergymen. i love it :D and all of the heroines are portrayed as not of their time, you know like they are so very different from the people of that time. i love how Austen just separates her characters from everyone else like that. so easily and so obviously. they can never be similar to anyone else but you can easily see the things that they have in common with each other. all being avid book worms :D

i have decided that i will read straight through the book hope bought me that contains 4 out of 6 of Jane Austen's books (excluding Mansfield Park and Northanger Abbey) after i have completed my Anne of Green Gables Series, which i happen to love at the moment even if i am a little shocked at the thought of Anne and Gilbert's first child dieing the same day she is born, i don't care if it makes sense so that Anne and Leslie can be close friends with no wall, i hate to see Anne suffer so. but it doesn't matter cause i all ready know that they have 6 kids in the end :D can't wait to read about Anne and Gilbert as parents, that'll be interesting. but for now i must be off for a woman is yelling for me to be off :D

Lara

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

contacts.suck

so here i am with drying contacts in my eyes and a buzzing cellphone in my lap...hehe tickles...we just lost to Western Mennonite but it was a pretty good game in my eyes. i took pictures and such but found the card reader in the classroom was broken, but have no fear for Lara has the answer... you see i have too many card readers just lying around my house so i'll bring one in and we'll just have to use that one until the school can buy a new one, i hope it was the school's and not Mrs. Davis' though cause that would suck majorly. i left a note saying that it was broken and that i didn't do it but i don't think she will believe me on that one. i'm trying to come up with a good question for my men's basketball page and what not and it's just starting to bug me to think that i have to write yet another body copy and then find a picture to put up for this and that. i need to go to sleep though so i will see you alls laters.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^lovely grammar for a future English major no?^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Lara

Thursday, January 31, 2008

So we dress up like princesses and find the frog at our side///?

MASQUERADE!!! yayayayayayayay!!! so i can't wait...how about you? i hear someone is going to dress up like a crotchety old lady :D [[[gotta love Mrs. Davis!]]] I'm excited though I'm scared I will get a little cold. My dress is a little on the short side but all I need is my boots and I'll be good to go. I hope it all turns out well because Katie (((Ellis))) has been planning and working on it long and hard + last years slightly was a let down. My dress goes swish though so no matter what I'll be entertained :D

and now for something completely different...

lack of sleep...how many hours on average is a student supposed to get?? well I'll tell you what the average for my class from what I've heard is...4-6 hours, now the average we're supposed to get...7-9 hours...10 if you're on the younger side of the teen years...if so I'm sorry but we've all been there :D me...I seem to require 10-12 hours in order to function correctly.

you may wonder at my mentioning sleep right now...well I am tired and plan on going to bed in the next ten minutes...so night good all to and to all a good night.

:D:D:D:D:D:D

Lara

Monday, January 28, 2008

ok then

as some of you may know, i've not been doing so good lately. i've had several problems keeping up with school work and have had a decreasing interest in food. ((as i sit next to the 2 hour cold baked potato and chili)) on top of this i find myself not trusting men more and more. it seems that no matter how much i wish to feel comfortable around them i can't do it. with some i start to feel quezey and as we all know i have a tendency of barfing at the wrong time. i know i have never been a big fan of boys but i have never not trusted them so much as i do now. if they give a compliment i float it off as crap, if they sit next to me they must intend to be rude or ask me about my sister. if they say something rude or mean...well they are male so what do i expect of them? and you know what i think to myself after some looking deep inside of me?? why...why would i be so mistrusting? they haven't done anything...yet. and then i annoy myself even more thinking to myself that i'm just jinxing them by saying yet.

occasionally i fancy myself being like one of those famed heroines that had a father leave them when they were only a child and them missing the memories of their parents together but i have only one bitter thought there and that is that i have no memories to brood over. i've just found out though that none of my grandparents were too excited for my parents marriage. they didn't think they would do well together. well goo job people!! you called it!!
i have also thought that it may be because of the fact that i have seen so many failed relationships around me that i despair at the reason of even dating anyone. i mean hope has had a number of "boyfriends" and what has happened with all of them (excluding current:Aaron)? she has either tossed them off for some silly reason or she has gotten her heart broken by them. again...point please??? and my katie's engagement to paul is still an open wound. oh yes you might think that if she is over it then why aren't i but what most of you don't know or anyone for that matter is that i loved paul very much and was looking forward to his marrying into the family and that i too was mad at katie for the whole deal. i the one who yelled at hope for speaking her mind on the event, i who told Katie that i didn't care, i who comforted her and let her tell me everything so she could tell someone who wouldn't interrupt her in her explanation, i who shook Paul's hand when they announced their engagement very business like and all, i who... oh these could go on and on.

better to be friends with the silly boys and watch them run around like fools with silly girls that will be crying over them in the weeks to come after they break her heart than to be the silly girl crying right? if only my dreams were the same. in this i mean both my sleeping dreams and my dreams for my future for unfortunately all ways of reproduction that i plan on having include a male figure unless i give up all together and adopt (((which may very well happen))) but listen to me with all my years of 16. yes by the way i am 16 as of last December so don't please be so shocked when i say that because it is indeed true. i all ready have my future planned out and all. except that i think i may still have hope in a select few of the male gender. pastors seem to be my only way out of this predicament. i feel that i would be a good pastor's wife and that i would serve them well along with serving God. i could still keep my dream for teaching alive by doing Sunday school classes with the young children and such as i do now. and i do believe that the only man that could ever keep my faith as strong and stable as i would like it to be would be a man who has devoted his life to God. besides i see working for God as a living and bringing my family up in a very much Christian based home would be just the ticket for a way to set myself up to help the needy and be a blessing to those around me.

i am happy to think on occasion that if my parents hadn't had a divorce that i wouldn't be who i am today(which i wouldn't) and i would never have met Georgia(which i wouldn't) or see my lovely nephew Chase(again i wouldn't). you see i do not find myself in the position to be pitied for any of these things. actually it annoys me when i am. i can use it as an argument to show people that no indeed my life has not been all sunshine and daisies and i have been through some hard times but none too grand. but all the same i have been blessed beyond belief with my step-mom even though in previous years after reading it in a book that i called her the "step-monster" i do dearly love her and her children and of course my little nephew Chase who is a little stud muffin. :D i have been blessed with a wonderful school and a mother determined to see me through this school no matter how much she pays for it and neglects to herself. and i have been blessed with amazing friends who love me no matter how odd or mad i may seem at times ((ok well maybe not seem but actually am :D))

you see at the beginning of this blog i was in a rage and in the middle i was ready to cry and by now i am ready to go on and face the world tomorrow with love in my eyes and a sneer on my mouth :D so this has been the proof of the healing powers of venting online for the entire world to see...planned or otherwise. :D

good night all
Lara

Sunday, January 20, 2008

two words,,,finals week,,,that's all the excuse i need

January 6, 2008
God Cares by Hannah Whitall Smith

"Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, what shall we drink? or Wherewithal shall we be clothed?...for your heavenly Father Knoweth that ye have need of all these things."
~Matthew 6:31-32


"Who is the best cared for in every household? Is it not the little children? And does not the least of all, the helpless baby, receive the largest share?...This life of faith, then, consists in just this---being a child in the Father's house...Let the ways of childish confidence and freedom from care, which so please you and win your heart in your own little ones, teach you what should be your ways with God..."

Children have faith in the things that adults can't even think about without a shudder. If you ask a child a question they reply simply and without too much hesitation, ask an adult the same question and you'll get a space of silence followed by either a mumbled circular reasoning or a bold but not thought out answer with the occasional but honest, "I don't know." I wish I were able to be sure of my answer like a child but to be taken seriously like an adult. How lucky am I to be able to dance on the fence of childhood and womanhood for a few more years :D

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January 10, 2008

Our "God" Reigns by Jane Hansen

"Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."
~Genesis 3:16


"Whatever we set our desire on will rule us. You have only to look around you to see how women, even Christian women, set their desire on men. They have turned to them to gain their approval, to be found acceptable, worthy, admired, and chosen. As a result they are ruled by them."

We as women are prone to a feeling of need for protection. We want the big strong man to keep us safe from the evil man. What we need to realize is that God is our protector. He will keep us safe and won't let that bad guy get close if we let Him do His J.O.B. He wants us to let Him so bad, we just need to be willing to trust in Him. Ah yes, that dreaded word, TRUST. It hits us all in the heart and will never be an easy thing to those who have had this broken. Think about it this way though...He has never once failed anyone and He's been around for how long? 6,000 years, at least with people too. So the odds of His keeping your trust are pretty good no?

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January 12, 2008

A New Way of Living by Sheila Walsh

"Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water."
~Hebrews 10:19-20


"Who we are in ourselves is not enough, but who we are in Christ is everything."

"Who we are in Christ is everything" This is so true it is beyond belief. Christ is the one and ONLY reason that we will ever be anything more than a sinner in a pit. He brings us up into the clouds, to a place of safety and love, and, yes, at some point, violence and anger and pain, but all of this He does for love of His children, for you and me, and that will be one of the hardest things to accept in this life."

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January 16, 2008

God Is Ingenious by Ruth Bell Graham

"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us."
~Ephesians 3:20

"She had slipped somehow and had broken her leg. While recuperating, she found herself alone in the house one Sunday, propped up in bed. Lonely and bored, she decided to call a friend and found the phone was just our of reach. She made several swipes at it but only succeeded in knocking it off the cradle, onto the floor, out of reach. And from the receiver came 'The Hour of Decision.'...so she had no choice. She was a captive audience...To say that God is ingenious is an understatement!"

God is that indeed. He will use the most amazing things to capture our attention or to tell us what we need to do. I believe God is a god of humor. He laughs at us when we're being stupid or silly and he always finds a way to make me smile. If He can use a telephone for reaching a woman and bringing her to Himself then He can definitely use us to bring other to Him too.

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that should keep you satisfied for now cause i need to go to bed so i can wake up in the morning and do my history report, English report, jump off a cliff, study biology, and go to the bank. in that order :D

Bye bYes

Lara

Friday, January 11, 2008

i know....

hello my rabid blog readers (saucy :D),
I know I have not posted anything recently, but tomorrow you shall be greatly pleased to know that your Lara fix is well on the way. I have figured out that if your parent sees you online too much doing blogs and such they have a tendency of wanting to know what you are doing more and who you hang out with. So I have decided to do a weekly post of my journal (sharing my favorite 2 or 3 days from the week) so that...

a) I don't spoil the entire Journal by the end of the year so you can get it yourselves
b) I don't spend so much precious time on the computer when i should be doing school work

I was not ignoring or forgetting my blog, I was simply waiting till tomorrow to post it and inform all you lovely people that this is what I'm doing so get over it, but my lovely saucy got on my back like I asked her to so here I am explaining myself to you. I hope you will accept my reasoning and be as kind and courteous as ever.

Yours Truly etc.
Lara